Doug PollardGrey and Gay
September 29th 2008 06:34
Pic by mellowmonk.com
Apologies for not posting much lately. I endured a colonoscopy, a gastroscopy and the death of my laptop in the course of a single week, and I'm only just getting myself organised again.
But finally my very shiny new Toshiba - 'piano black', they call the finish - has finally coaxed all my files and settings out of the corpse of the old machine, and I'm back in action.
It's at times like these I feel my age - and I don't like it. I found out yesterday that there are some people around who are determined to make me like it even less.
Baby boomers like me are heading into retirement homes and villages already. And some of what's happening to them isn't nice.
That became clear on yesterdays radio program, Allegro Non Troppo, where I heard some uplifting stories of carers overcoming their personal prejudices to give true care and comfort to rainbow seniiors, but also some horrible ones of insensitive staff and residents making peoples final years a misery. And not just in residential facilities.
Most seniors prefer to remain in their own homes, which for many is only possible with help.
Like my mother. Before she went into a care home, my mother had careers calling twice daily to ensure she took her meidcation, ate regular meals, and that she didn't need a doctor. In addition there were cleaners, nurses and handymen, too. Because she often forgot they were scheduled, a key was keep in a code-locked box by the door, so they could get in.
WIth her background and age, as well as her diminshing mental capacity, it's not surprising that she requested only female carers, and definitely 'no blacks'.
So she was terribly firghtened and distressed one day to find a six foot African man in her kitchen. She had never been comfortable with strangers coming into her home - now she became positively obstructive.
You may say she should not have been prejudiced, but at 80 years of age, with increasing dementia, she was who she was, and whether you agreed with her views or not, she was entitled to have them respected, whether you agreed with them or not.
After she moved into a good care home (after initial resistence) she found a measure of peace and happiness in a relationship with another resident.
The home called me.
"Your mother has begun sleeping with one of the male residents. What do you want us to do about it?"
"Nothing, unless it's making her unhappy, or she's being coerced in some way. Why interfere? Let her have a little happiness."
"Oh. OK - no problem, we'll just have to make sure we keep her occupied when his wife comes visiting, or it might get a bit awkward. Thank you."
Now that's care. No judgement, just deal with practicalities to achieve the best result for my mother.
Doctors, nurses, carers, anyone working with the elderly, I have a message for you. The job is about the people you look after - not about you. It's their comfort and convenience that comes first, not yours.
These people are all someone's mother, sister, husband, father - treat them as you would your own close relatives. Your entire job description can be summed up in one phrase - always go the extra mile.
And remember - seniors are sexual people too. So create rather than remove opportunities for them to have sex - alone, with one another, with their visiting lovers, with professional sex workers if they want to and can afford it. It's their life, their wishes, their beleifs that count. Not yours.
And that's where rainbow seniors are often given a rough time. Other residents may be offended by open displays of same-sex affection - but you as a carer may not. It's your job to tactfully and sensitively manage any problems - not to supress seomeone's sexuality. That's lazy, disrespectful and cruel. So either shape up, or ship out.
Because if you don't, when I eventually move into that retirement village, I'm going to give you hell!!
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Comment by Kleonaptra
Kalikapsychosis
Its an industry I readily admit I dont have the stamina for. I have a mate that works in aged care, and from the sounds of it, looking after people is the easy part. I visited a few times just for social games and such, and I actually had a blast! They have such great stories to tell. But the structures the nurses have to work in and office politics are what clog it up and make it hard, from what Ive heard.