Doug PollardGay Marriage Works! (LINK)
July 13th 2008 04:36
Hold the mayo! From the canned Heinz ad
Sure it can look odd – even to a dyed-purple-in-the-womb old pouf like me – to see two grooms or two brides standing at the altar, or pushing a stroller. That’s because we’re not used to it yet – it’s too new.
Personally, I’d like to see us evolve our own trappings, get away from bridal gowns and tuxedos, and not get married in heterosexual hand-me-downs. Iin time I guess we will.
But the evidence so far is that same-sex marriage works. Not always, but at least as often as straight marriage.
Yes, there are failures. I’ve seen a few posts on here gloating about gay divorces, arguing that when a gay couple get divorced, that’s because they were gay and their marriage was unnatural.
Of course, when a straight couple divorce, that’s because they made a mistake/weren’t mature enough/insert your favourite excuse. Nothing to do with their sexuality. Yeah, right!!
Nazism perfected this type of argument; a Jew commits a crime, so all Jews are bad; a Nazi commits a crime, it’s due to unbearable provocation – probably by a Jew.
Sexists do it too: a woman crashes a car, that’s because she’s a woman, and women can’t drive; a bloke crashes a car, it was the other blokes fault.
And homophobes: when a gay woman murders her lover, that’s a ‘lesbian murder’, but when did you last see a screeching headline ‘heterosexual murder’? You haven’t? Or perhaps that’s because gay murders are so rare and heterosexual ones so common?
A bad marriage is a bad marriage. A bad parent is a bad parent. Sexuality not a factor. End of story.
Just as there’s more and more evidence coming in that being gay is not a choice, but due to a complex of genetic, environmental and social factors, there’s more and more evidence that gay marriage and parenting don’t just work, but that we’re pretty good at it.
We’re ‘more egalitarian’ and logical in problem-solving and chore-sharing – less of that ‘me Tarzan, you Jane, get back in the kitchen’ nonsense.
We think longer and harder before we have kids, so those of us who go that route have very strong nurturing instincts. We have to have, to get past parental and societal pressure against it. We have to be very sure this is what we want.
But if societal pressure works to make us, on average, better parents, it works to make heterosexuals, on average, worse ones. Parents and society put pressure on straight couples to get married and have kids when maybe they don’t really want to, or aren’t ready for the responsibilities.
There's pressure to conform to traditional gender roles, such as the stay-at-home mum and breadwinner dad, which may be inappropriate for the skills and personalities of the individuals involved. Pressure to stay together even though they’re unsuited and miserable.
And of course we don’t have kids by accident. All our kids are wanted kids.
To all those people who say, ‘but the kids need a mother and a father’, again, the evidence is, they don’t. Kids select their own role models, and they aren’t always their parents.
Many’s the child who didn’t get on with their mum or dad, but modeled themselves instead on a revered teacher, priest, older sibling, best friend etc. etc. – or more likely a mix. Kids need good parenting, regardless of gender.
To those who say we’re condemning our kids to a childhood of bullying and teasing I say, teach your bloody kids NOT to tease and bully for ANY reason, discipline them if they do, stand up to other parents who shirk this parental responsibility, and support your school’s efforts to stamp out bullying.
Finally, to all those who fear the kids will grow up gay, again, the evidence doesn’t bear this out. The evidence suggests that they’ll be more relaxed about experiment sexually while finding out where on the sexuality spectrum they fit, meaning they’ll end up more stable and secure in their sexuality. In the end the percentages tend to work out the same as for kids in general – almost all of whom were raised by straight parents.
And dare I suggest that, adolescent rebellion being what it is, a good many of them will probably come down on the heterosexual side of the fence just out of sheer cussedness!!
That was a joke, by the way.
As the Pope flies into Sydney – no, it’s not a miracle, he uses a plane like the rest of us – I look forward to the day when the then Pope marries her son to his boyfriend at the altar of St Peters in Rome.
Then we can truly say we have made a little progress, and our courage and strength will finally be recognized.
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Comment by postmoderncritic
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when did you last see a screeching headline ‘heterosexual murder’?
I'm glad someone is bringing this up - total double standards...
Kids need good parenting, regardless of gender.
I love this line. I have a mother and a father and they did a very inadequate job of raising me to be open-minded and self-loving. Luckily I was inspired by people outside my family, and self-help is a very big part of my life now.
I look forward to the day when the then Pope marries her son to his boyfriend at the altar of St Peters in Rome.
A nice thought, Doug. My favourite icon atm is the female black non-heterosexual President of the USA.