Doug PollardA Gay Marriage
July 7th 2008 03:10
As I’ve gotten older, I’ve tended to ignore my own birthday, but this year I decided I would have a little celebration. Nothing fancy, just a buffet lunch on Sunday afternoon with a few of the people who matter to me. I could have invited at least a dozen more, but it’s a while since we’ve entertained and I didn’t want to take too much on.
My partner was initially angry because I sent out the invites without telling him my plans, but he came round. It saved a lot of arguments! As I’ve learned from dealing with editors and program managers, it’s better to do it first and apologise after, if necessary, than to spend hours in fruitless argument.
He swung into efficiency mode, took a day off work, and we spent two days spiffing up the house. It needed a spring-clean anyway and this was a great motivator - ordinarily we both hate housework.
Then we shopped and cooked. And cooked! We love to cook. Beef rendang, Sri Lankan channa dal, Ethiopian lentil salad, tabbouleh, falafel, pullao rice, garlic naan bread, fruit salad, key lime pie (with our own limes) and cherry cake. With cream. Are you salivating now?
My beloved partner turned into the perfect butler for the day. “Stay out of the kitchen, entertain your guests and leave everything to me,” he said, serving food and drinks, making coffee and even clearing away – mostly – afterwards.
I think it was the best birthday present he could have given me.
Everyone loved the food and the conversation flowed, and I thought “how lucky I am, to have such great people as friends, and how especially blessed I am to have such a wonderful husband.”
Sixteen years we’ve been together, which sounds like a lot, but why oh why didn’t we meet when we were younger?
One of these days – hopefully before too long – I hope to make an honest man of him in the quiet little church where he is parish treasurer and churchwarden.
Now that WOULD be a great birthday present!!
I won't write his name, because he isn't out to his employer. The last time he came out at work, he was fired for cause on trumped-up charges and it costs us time, money and a stressful court-case to retrieve his reputation and entitlements, and a lot more time before he worked his way back to a senior job again. But we got through it, together.
This country is not as accepting as it pretends, and the anti-discrimination laws are feeble and hard to enforce, despite what you read in the press.
Well, that's a snapshot from my same-sex marriage. As you can see, not so different from any other kind.
It's not a legal marriage, yet, as it could be in Spain, Canada, or Holland, among other places. And it won't be "equal" even if the current government gets its planned changes to the law through parliament. Please don't be fooled by the spin. Same-sex couples will still be subject to apartheid-type laws that will leave us unequal and unfairly treated.
After a day of great joy, back to reality and back to the BS shovelled over us daily by the bigoted God Squads and their mates in the tabloids.
A sour note to end on, but that's how it is.
My partner was initially angry because I sent out the invites without telling him my plans, but he came round. It saved a lot of arguments! As I’ve learned from dealing with editors and program managers, it’s better to do it first and apologise after, if necessary, than to spend hours in fruitless argument.
He swung into efficiency mode, took a day off work, and we spent two days spiffing up the house. It needed a spring-clean anyway and this was a great motivator - ordinarily we both hate housework.
Then we shopped and cooked. And cooked! We love to cook. Beef rendang, Sri Lankan channa dal, Ethiopian lentil salad, tabbouleh, falafel, pullao rice, garlic naan bread, fruit salad, key lime pie (with our own limes) and cherry cake. With cream. Are you salivating now?
My beloved partner turned into the perfect butler for the day. “Stay out of the kitchen, entertain your guests and leave everything to me,” he said, serving food and drinks, making coffee and even clearing away – mostly – afterwards.
I think it was the best birthday present he could have given me.
Everyone loved the food and the conversation flowed, and I thought “how lucky I am, to have such great people as friends, and how especially blessed I am to have such a wonderful husband.”
Sixteen years we’ve been together, which sounds like a lot, but why oh why didn’t we meet when we were younger?
One of these days – hopefully before too long – I hope to make an honest man of him in the quiet little church where he is parish treasurer and churchwarden.
Now that WOULD be a great birthday present!!
I won't write his name, because he isn't out to his employer. The last time he came out at work, he was fired for cause on trumped-up charges and it costs us time, money and a stressful court-case to retrieve his reputation and entitlements, and a lot more time before he worked his way back to a senior job again. But we got through it, together.
This country is not as accepting as it pretends, and the anti-discrimination laws are feeble and hard to enforce, despite what you read in the press.
Well, that's a snapshot from my same-sex marriage. As you can see, not so different from any other kind.
It's not a legal marriage, yet, as it could be in Spain, Canada, or Holland, among other places. And it won't be "equal" even if the current government gets its planned changes to the law through parliament. Please don't be fooled by the spin. Same-sex couples will still be subject to apartheid-type laws that will leave us unequal and unfairly treated.
After a day of great joy, back to reality and back to the BS shovelled over us daily by the bigoted God Squads and their mates in the tabloids.
A sour note to end on, but that's how it is.
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