Doug PollardQuick! Send a fridge magnet!
July 15th 2009 02:27
www.beyondblue.org
Ever since he made his major blooper, likening bisexual footy trainers to paedophile priests, I’ve wanted to talk to Jeff Kennett. To find out why a man who, according to all his friends and supporters, didn’t have a homophobic bone in his body, came out with such a dumb, prejudiced piece of stereotyping.
But he never answered my emails, he didn’t return my calls, and I was sadly forced to conclude that this relationship was over before it began. Jeffrey is notorious for never apologising. I told myself it was probably for the best.
After all, he said they’d never knowingly had a homosexual at Hawthorn, and beyondblue, where he is chair, didn’t seem to be paying any attention to any depressed homosexuals it came across.
‘Stick with it,’ friends urged. ‘You won’t get anywhere with Hawthorn – too much of a mates cabal. But beyondblue, well, is he really that serious there? Or is it just image management?’
Well, they were sort of right. I still can’t get anyone at beyondblue to talk to me on the radio.
But after months of nagging from activists and health professionals, beyondblue have responded to the calls to do something – anything – to tackle the appalling tide of depression and self-harm among gays, lesbians and transsexuals.
First, they commissioned a review of all the research already done in the field, presumably because they were much to busy to read it all themselves. And now they’ve started talking, in a small way, to gay organisations.
Now we know what was keeping them so busy. They've been working on a new initiative.
So what’s this practical thing they’ve been so busy putting their hands in their pockets for?
Look in your letter box. You may have missed it – one of those unaddressed envelopes with “A message from the Chairman of beyondblue” in a big blue box on the front – the kind that usually encloses a begging letter, or some raffle tickets to sell.
Then in tiny print under the box: it says “This envelope contains helpful information on depression and is not seeking a donation.” Well it’s nice to know they’re flush with cash.
Guess what’s inside? The Liberal answer to any problem – a fridge magnet.
Is there a terrorist threat? Give ‘em a fridge magnet. Feeling suicidal? A fridge magnet with a 1300 number and web address, and that logo I always get confused with SameSame.
And not just a fridge magnet! Get this – a note from Jeffrey himself. A compliments slip – we wouldn’t want to waste money on a whole sheet of A4 – telling us we probably know someone with depression, and here’s how to help them.
Plus a nifty little checklist so you can diagnose your own or your neighbours depressive state. ‘Scuse me Mrs Smith, but I notice you’ve been looking a bit down these last two weeks, and you’ve packed on the kilos a bit, haven’t you? Why don’t you fill out this nice checklist Mr Kennett sent you?
So when you’ve done your checklist, and it tells you, yes, you’re probably depressed, you ring the number on the fridge magnet, right?
Wrong! “For further assessment, please consult a doctor or another health professional.”
Is it just me, or does this whole thing smell like PR exercise, rather than a serious ‘national depression initiative’?
"Our image is in the toilet – do something quick – I know, send out the fridge magnets!!"
Sorry Jeffrey. Fridge magnets don’t cut it. Just ask your old mate John Howard.
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